Looking back in my journals I found this posting from my Spiritual Discipline group that I participated in for 18 months. This post is dated on November 18, 2011, but feels fresh for me today on February 9, 2013. Ever still the journey, my "Undone" life:

 

If God’s work in my life recently were put in a title it would be:  The purpose of an “Undone” life.  I have had to recognize something in my life recently that is an incredible weakness I have, and that is there are certain things I can’t stand to have undone. It is not that I am a perfectionist because I can have many other undone messy tasks around me and it doesn’t bother me, but I will OCD about just a few, the areas that are a priority to me and will obsess over the need to have those areas buttoned down to the very best of my ability.

As a staff we have a web-based service that we use for calendar, facility approval and our planning process. It uses a red, yellow and green light system to show the status of any scheduling you are doing within our church. It bothers me to have any event I am responsible for to have anything but a green light. Sometimes the red or yellow is a non-issue, it may show as a conflict within our system but we know it is a shared resource not a conflict of resource.

For example, I had a kick off brunch scheduled for our women who were working/serving/or interested in being a part of our Savor the Season event on Sept. 10th at 10:30 am and we also had a men’s breakfast the same day but the men’s event was to take place earlier in the morning. These events showed red in our system as a conflict because the clean up time for the men and the preparation time for the women were overlapping. Even though we had a side conversation as teams and negotiated how we would accommodate one another, the system still showed it as a conflict. Everyone was good with it; we were moving on, problem solved…except for the fact that every day when I logged on to the system I saw that I had a red event on my user dashboard. So instead of just allowing that to continue (and here is where my OCD behavior kicks in) I have a secondary login to the system as an administrator and used it to go in and override the conflict that allowed both events to change as green status, good to go, all is at peace within my world.  Our office manager could have done that, but I didn't want to bother her with something that would sound so trivial to others and since part of my job is to hold our team accountable for the implementation and organization of their events this was a double hit on my OCD radar. Honestly, it was a pride thing.

This is where God continues to speak to me about the things undone, not in a bad way….go and get it done and always fix it way…but in a way that says….it is ok for some things to continue in my life with a redlight….allowing some things to ride out it’s intended purpose. I am challenged to move beyond living where I am always asking God what He wants me to do about something and being better at just throwing my hands up in response to Him and asking Him what He is going to do about it, not in an irreverent way but in submission to the one who holds it all.  It is liberating to be honest about who is really in charge and who is really responsible to turn items from red to green in my life. Daily I am reminded and choosing, not to override with my administrator login, or to do a back door manipulative to fix it so I feel better, but to let the conflict of shared space and resources of life travel together.

Sum total of my current undone life, trusting Him with my heart not just my words, and really getting to the place where that trust is as normal as the rhythms of grace we are referring to instead of forced heavy steps of obedience.

Taking Time For a Do-Over

 I had my orthodontist appointment today and made a discovery, I had taken a step back in my invisalign braces instead of a step forward. They were double checking that I was ready for set #24 out of #49 aligners and as I checked, the one I was wearing was #21 instead of #23. Apparently when I took the current set off for a meal, I accidentally replaced them with an older set. Bottom line is that I took a step back in my treatment instead of a step forward. I went back home to find the right set, and got back in line with my treatment plan. But I am frustrated that I have to take the time for a do-over.

Sometimes do-overs are necessary so that we can get it right. In my orthodontics process I can’t catch up with where I am supposed to be in my treatment until i get caught up with the aligners in the right sequence. It is the only way to get it right. If I jumped into the set I was scheduled to be in today the pain would be incredible and the work on my teeth would be forced at a pace that would miss some of the slower, small work that is needed. How many times do we want the same thing in life? We want the quantum leap to being done, without taking the time to take the small steps to get the details right.

I am not real happy with myself that my oversight has cost me time in my journey. In the long run it has only cost me two weeks, but the frustration to me is feeling like I all ready had that done and now I have to do it over! My response to this; take the time necessary to get it right, even though I don’t feel like I have the time at my disposal. I have to rearrange my plans to make the process work. God has a way of rearranging our lives for the very same thing. Making us do the heavy lifting of getting it right so we are fit for a lifetime, not just for a moment.

“At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God. “ Hebrews 12:22, The Message

Broken Vessels

Thinking about the spiritual insight from a hand injury I have right now from a broken blood vessel. Last week I was working on several things during a busy day and somewhere along the way the main blood vessel in the palm of my hand ruptured. It left a large pea size lump in the palm of my hand, which is really painful, keeping me from making a tight grip on anything. Every time I rub it I think of the words “broken vessel” remembering that God is the one who takes the broken vessels and reshapes them into usable tools in His hand.

The process of reshaping is not quick or easy. In fact there is a breaking down that has to happen before the building up can take place. I have encountered many people over the years who come to God with the expectation that all they want is the “building up” phase and they walk away disappointed as God touches the places in their lives that need to be “broken down” first. It is like anything else in life, you can’t build a worthy structure on top of rubble; a new foundation has to be put in place. It doesn’t come easy, quick or without cost.

It is a little bit of a “one step forward, two steps back” journey sometimes, when all we want is forward motion. Looking at the life of David and his cry to be reshaped by God in Psalm 32:12 “I am forgotten like a dead man, out of mind; I am like a broken vessel“ NKJV. Coming to terms with our brokenness is one of the greatest points of victory, it is the turning point of the journey and it is where the new chapter of your story begins. The rebuilding starts and the formation of who we are to become takes shape.

The significant thing about it is, the more we lean into Him and the direction He brings, the greater motion comes to push us forward. It is a tension tool to make me bend in the right direction. I am inpatient for the pain to end and the discomfort to cease, but even as I am frustrated and uncomfortable, I know that change is coming. Under the skin of my palm my cells are bringing aid to the rupture and new growth is taking place out of my vision or ability to feel change. It is slow, it is steady, and it is sure.

Rubbing my palm today, thinking about change and asking God to continue His shaping process to make me a usable tool for Him.

My Breakthrough

We have been in an amazing journey for nearly eleven years since coming to pastor Eastridge in Issaquah. Shortly after our arrival God put in Steve’s heart the need to prepare for our future. None of us had any idea at that time what that would mean or even where it would be. Nevertheless, we followed the vision laid before us and joined in for the unknown journey ahead, to see and follow where God would lead us.

This journey has changed locations, rural designations, gone from being opposed by the county to being endorsed by the county, came through a good economy to a bad economy, changed contractors, survived a structural redesign post foundation and still is arriving to completion. Many times my heart and my flesh have failed in this journey, only to be picked up, dusted off, and set back on course to believe and chase the vision ahead. I have learned to pray this scripture over my life, Deuteronomy 33:12. “Let the beloved of the lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.” I have failed to be a consistent woman of faith, but I have had some moments of great faith peaks, and unfortunately moments of great fear and doubt. The good news is that God always brings me around, sometimes the short way other times the long way; either way the end result is victory.

Now we are on the precipice of a new day in our history, in just 19 days we open the door to our new ministry center located around the corner from our current location and across the street from our original location. In God’s providence Eastridge will have been located on three out of four corners on one of the main intersections of the Issaquah Plateau, amazing, awesome, beyond, beyond!

In consideration of the great things ahead of us, it has not been without cost. I wish the only cost was money, but the more expensive cost has been the shaping of our will, character, trust, obedience and perseverance. Nothing great comes easy, nothing of significance happens overnight. Every victory on this journey was quickly leveled with another dramatic challenge or crisis, and every one of them required our all.

To me, when I look at this building it is truly amazing. Not just because it is beautiful and miraculous, but because it is small compared to what God has been building in my life and in the lives of many others through the journey. I can’t help but celebrate and think of the joy it brings to our Lord that He helped us build a temporary thing in His name, but at the same time He had a bigger construction site underway in my heart and flesh. In my mind, the greatest Breakthrough is the unseen building of God’s amazing grace over me, in me and through me, and the same for many others. The building is His tool, but we are His people, and in that my joy and strength are renewed for the day ahead!

“The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.” Psalm 29:11

Assume No Harm Intended

I just read a short story about an executive who modeled incredible success in business ventures. Her ability to lead, manage and navigate teams and employees through all kinds of circumstances was something that she had a great reputation for. Her co-workers sought her out; management esteemed and valued the skills that she brought to the table. One of the managers wanted to get a closer look at her techniques and people skills that was garnishing such praise for her, so he sat in on a few of her meetings. The common thread was a foundation that she laid for each of her meetings with the following opening statement. At the beginning of each meeting she would say. “Let us assume and believe that no one around this table has the intent to harm one another.” With this agreement each meeting could then move forward with an understood assessment of each other and leveled the ground of potential conflict.

Imagine if every time you needed to hammer out a situation with someone you could do it with the heart that says, “we assume no harm is intended.” How does this statement then impact a person who all ready has sustained harm and now has to move forward? The problem is that once someone has harmed you, the tendency is to always assume that this is his or her continued intention towards you. The truth is that they see you in the same light; therefore we propagate what we assume to be true.

The challenge is that someone has to take the first step to break the cycle and believe for something better. The greatest thing we can do is to ask for the Spirit of Truth to come and help us apply as much grace towards someone else as we want for ourselves.

I am committed to being a cycle-breaker in my life and for others, looking for all that God has ahead; assuming no harm intended.

Singing in the Shadows

I shared Psalm 63 with our ladies this week as a word of encouragement for their life journey. Many of us are in the stages of life where concerns consume us. That is a soft way of saying we are driven with worry and fear over issues in our lives.

It may be a worry over our families, children or spouses, or lack thereof. Maybe you are facing a crisis that has stemmed from our economy, job changes or difficulties or maybe you need a job. How about bad news from a doctor’s report, is that causing you nights of restless sleep?

Psalm 63: 1-8 says the following:

“1 O God, you are my God, 
earnestly I seek you; 
my soul thirsts for you, 
my body longs for you, 
in a dry and weary land 
where there is no water. 


2 I have seen you in the sanctuary 
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life, 
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live, 
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; 
with singing lips my mouth will praise you. 


6 On my bed I remember you; 
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help, 
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you; 
your right hand upholds me. 
”

I have been pushing through some weariness, choosing to throw off some concerns and have found God’s great refreshment as I choose to sing from the shadow of His wing. He is my covering and He wants to be yours.

It is an awesome thought to be in the shadow of His wing. God is covering my life and my journey ahead, the known and the unknown. It helps me to stay off the “me do it” track and keeps me coming back to the, “ No God, you do it!”

The key is that I have to stay under Him if I want to be covered by His shadow. It’s about submission and trust. These are not easy things to surrender but life is always lived out better when we do. Take rest today in the peace that comes from having the covering of the Most High over you. Switchfoot sings a song that remind us of this truth, "The shadows prove the sun shines." Who knows, maybe as you are covered by His shadow you will begin to sing a new song!

Life is more fair than you think

I have joined the journey to read the bible through in the next 90 days, and started off with a bang! Then we went on a family trip to California to celebrate my grandmother’s 90^th birthday and as quickly as I had gotten ahead I fell behind. So the last few days I have been doing extra reading to get caught up to where I want to be.

Today as I was reading the follow scripture something stood out to me. In Exodus 30:13 it says, “Each one who crosses over to those already counted is to give a half shekel, according to the sanctuary shekel, which weighs twenty gerahs. This half shekel is an offering to the Lord.” (Bold emphasis is mine.)

This reference is about how the Israelites were to honor God through the Feasts and how their sacrifice would be measured. Of note to me was that EVERYONE’S sacrifice was measured on the same scale so that there was no inequality. There were many at this time that would manipulate the scales of measure, using their own scales and claim they were equal. To deal with this practice the instruction was given that all sacrifices were measured the same on the same scale and that all were required to give the same amount.

Let’s remember when we face times that feel “unfair” that God is the one who holds the ultimate scale and He weighs all things equally. It is easy to look at someone’s life and feel that their journey has been given more favor than yours, but today is not the final place of measure. I encourage you to trust the one who calls us all to equal sacrifice.